Menopause is normal. The symptoms of menopause do not have to be a part of your life.
Attempting to capture light hearted take on Menopause
Please excuse me
I need to fan myself
I feel so goddam hot
But where is my fan, I need it now
it seems where i put it, I FORGOT
Oh dear, I think my pants have shrunk in the wash
my goodness they feel so tight
a salad a day is all i eat
I am still so bloated despite
My stress in high
my libido is low
my belly and chin hairs
continue to grow and grow
i look in the mirror
Just as I feared
I resemble my 80 year old mother
I now own 3 chin hairs, it’s my very own a beard
I no longer ovulate
My eggs have up and flown
My periods are heavy
I have low progesterone
My estrogen is low
My lady bits are dry
Having sex is painful
I try to not to cry
i get so weepy
I’m always sleepy
my family say I’m bitchy
My skin is itchy
Who are these kids
Ive forgotten their names
oops I mean oh its James
Why is this happening
what is the cause
My doctor says you are normal Dear
it is “ONLY” menopause
YES it is normal. It is the natural advancement in a woman’s life.
Do you have to experience and live with the symptoms of menopause
From her tippy toes to the top of her head
Flushing her cheeks
To a glorious rosy red
Giddiness, joy, elation
Her head did spin
Was it the champagne
Or daily life intoxication
A beautiful memory
A face looking at her
oh dear how young we were
Her life of spectacular moments
Tells story upon her beautiful face
Softness, fine lines
Charming, full of grace
Youth lays behind
Only in time
Keep dreaming of that life
Passion keeps you in prime
A turning point
A time of transition
A time in life
A new definition
From light to dark
She will shine inside
It’s grey, Imperfect
Move effortlessly through to the other side
Wisdom and experience
As she enters a new phase
Elegance, truth and love
She will continue to navigate life’s maze
Welcome to middle age a time of transition. It doesn’t have to be a time of darkness. Stay in the light 💋💋💋
What’s that you ask?
That’s a great question!
The standard definition goes like this: –
Rogaining is the sport of long distance cross-country navigation in which teams of two to five members visit as many checkpoints as possible in the specified time. Here in Victoria, Australia, rogaines are typically run over periods of 6, 12 or 24 hours. In a bush rogaine teams travel entirely on foot, navigating by map and compass between checkpoints in terrain that varies from open farmland to hilly forest.
How the weirdo walkabout in Inverloch definition went is like this
Our event was more of a community based, fun event, even though we had elite athletes enter, yes we had ironman team enter our event and consequently win.
Suggestions for things we needed to bring on our event day:
* mandatory: pen
* recommended: rain jacket, hat, sunscreen, sunglasses, water bottle, $$ for coffees, suitable footwear
* consider: card table for your map during route planning next time we will spend more time pre-planning. Well this was our first rogaine.
A few of our rules
➢ all team members must remain within speaking distance of each other throughout the event –
The urge was there for the experienced runners to charge ahead. No we must stay together. Of course then we would experience the middle age bladder, the need for one to go to the toilet, the others have to wait. Of course, not everyone needs to go at the same time, so 15 minutes later, patiently waiting again as another MA (middle ager) goes.
Missing an opportunity to gain further points we would watch dishearteningly as other teams would pass us… was that a smirk I just saw on that team leaders face? Come on hurry up hurry up.
➢ go to checkpoints in any order; go to as many as you can & want to in allotted time.
We worked out about halfway through that we should’ve gone to the outermost destinations on the map. They were worth higher points. Focus more on getting our bonus points, such as eating and drinking in designated cafes and photo opportunities with the multitude of peculiar and well known stuffed toys around the region.
➢ you must go to the checkpoint to get the answer – no guessing or using Internet, or submitting answers you have prior knowledge of.
I was tempted.
➢ Start event at or after 9am :- hooter to sound at 9am.
No problems there! We arrived at 8:15 am we were ready to roll at 9 am.
➢ return completed clue sheet by 1pm :- 10 point penalty for every 1 minute late.
We handed in our map and answered questions at 12:56 pm
➢ points are the checkpoint number rounded to 10s, eg for #83, 80 points, for #102, 100 points; wrong answer gets penalty of equivalent points.
Our last hour was spent on the outskirts of Inverloch, scoring ourselves hundreds of points.
➢ Bonus points: State names of soft toys when you locate them; where photos required, tick box once photo taken, & show scorers photos at finish; bring receipts from designated cafes (1 receipt per team per cafe at which one or more team members ate or drank)
we did, we photographed, we laughed.
➢ call Weirdo’s Walkabouts if needing clarification regarding any checkpoints or clues:- 3 calls per team allowed (mobile numbers will be on notice board at event entry station)
No calls were made by us!
This fabulous event took a group of 8 women who represent the middle age / peri menopausal group being 45 plus, to the beautiful beachside hamlet of Inverloch that saw us navigate in bush, beach, up and down hills, into cafes, checking letter boxes, climbing trees, locating soft toys found by utilising some part of the middle age brain that no longer functions in peri menopausal women. Somehow we deciphered the cryptic clues, went on to produce some classic photos taken with, Shrek, pooh bear, Spiderman, a dodo bird and many others. Basically we were running / walking all across and around this lovely town. Finding shade amongst the lush green surroundings, enjoying a quiet moment, well, as quiet as eight women giggling together can be and whilst appreciating the protection from the wind and rain in a small cavern set inside the beach mountain.
Locating weird and wonderful destinations to find yet another answer to another crazy question. We delighted in some local artwork and sculptures, for a brief moment the sun shone upon us, enjoying the beautiful scenery and surroundings that our non competitive competition took us on.
No no, this is not competition, we are not being competitive, we are raising money for a charity, enjoying the day and spending time with each other.
We laughed at and with each other over 4 hours. Stopping for a short respite at the nominated cafes, “a long black coffee please”, “a latte”, “I’ll have that pie” another of our crew yelled, “please can we have a receipt with that”. Each purchase at a designated cafe earned us another 50 points. Yesss, we would scream as we ticked yet another box to earn another 150 points.
The morning started something like this
Alarms going from 7 am. Eight women in one apartment, however, very thankful for the two bathrooms and toilets.
“Are you having breakfast”? “No I’m not hungry”. “You better eat, it’s gonna be hours before we can eat again”. “Okay I’ll have a coffee and some toast”. “I’m going to have some muesli”, “do you want some muesli”? “No I’m gonna have scrambled eggs, who wants scrambled eggs”? “no I’m not hungry”, “oh okay I better have some scrambled eggs”. “I’ll have some avocado as well please, 2 pieces of toast”, (seriously & you are not hungry) “Oh it looks cold outside, it’s raining”. “Are you wearing a beanie”? “I’m gonna wear my crop top and my jacket, I get hot sweats, I don’t want to overheat”. It’s 9°, do you really think you are going to overheat”? “Ok I will I’ll put a T-shirt over my crop top”. “I’m wearing my thermals and my jacket, plus my waterproof jacket” “What if you get hot”? “I’ll tie it around my waist”. “Won’t that be annoying”? “I don’t think I’ll get too hot, I feel the cold”. “do you think maybe I should wear a warm jacket”? “Yes I do”. “Gloves, who is wearing gloves” ? Yes me, me , me, I’m taking gloves, “do you have a spare pair of gloves”? “yes I do, do you want me to bring them for you”? “No! I should be okay.” “I’ll take your spare pair of gloves”. “I’ve got two pair of socks on”? “I’m taking my beanie, have you got a backpack”? “Can I put my spare pair of gloves in your backpack”? “I’m gonna wear my thin jacket”, “I’m gonna wear my pink jacket”. The conversation was crazy, funny, factual, made sense, at the same time made no sense, if anyone had of been listening. Yikes!
I wish I had recorded that 15 minutes of conversation. This is this was how the whole 48 hours with this group of women went. Sound crazy? Perhaps, but this is a group of women all around the same age group who support each other, and care about each other, laugh at each other, laugh with each other, look after each other. This was a group of caring women. Caring about each other.
Piling into two cars, we head to the starting point. As we wait, the sun comes out, it begins again. Being the only backpack carrier, can I have my car key out of your bag? yes! I’m going to put my beanie and gloves back in the car.
Middle Ager arrives back to the group, the rain starts, can I have my car key back again? I’m going back to get my beanie and my gloves.
The day was rain, wind, sunshine, but, never warm.
The event ended with 8 girls exhausted & hungry.
I’m starving, if I don’t eat I’ll die, I’m dying of thirst. I need a cake and coffee, where can we go, I want vegetarian, Oh I need a hot pie, hot coffee please, I want eggs and bacon. So it went. 8 women scurried off in three different directions. Meeting back at a pop up clothes shop. Of course how can 8 girls go away for a weekend and not go shopping.
Drive back to our warm apartment and here it goes. “I’ve got a blister on the heel of my foot”, “I’ve got a blister on my toe”, “my knee is aching, look at it it’s three times its normal size” as everyone squeals in displeasure at the pockets of fluid protruding out of one knee. ” I need a massage”, “I’ll massage you” says another.
I sit back and laugh as I listen to these conversations.
This group of amazing women are a contrast of various orientated business women. Meet Gaye an online entrepreneur/sales/fitness fanatic/marathon runner, Julie a doctor/yoga instructor/cyclist, a multi talented woman she is, Janette a plant based eater/pilates instructor/functional fitness trainer dabbling in menopause coaching/writer/dog rescuer, Karen a extraordinary hairdresser/interior designer/ski bunny/fashionista, Kathy a developer and real estate guru/animal sanctuary volunteer, extreme sports and risk taker, Mandy a personal assistant/saving the environment/a highly intelligent exercise enthusiast, Andrea a level headed, smart medical secretary/museum and history lover/can do anything she sets her mind too/ does not love exercise and finally Shelle another interior designer/vegan/entrepeneur/teaching and inspiring women to be all they can and makes fabulous funky outfits, headbands & bags.
All contributing to making our world a little bit of a better place to live in.
The afternoon witness beautiful insightful chats, healthy and unhealthy nibbles, whinges about painful body parts,forgetfulness and hot flushes.
The phone call came, our teams came first and second respectively in the veteran females. Third overall. Not bad for a bunch of middle-aged menopausal women attempting their first Rogaine. Of course you could go to one, the elite on man team, who happened also to be veterans. Go the veterans first, second and third, the youngish fabulous oldies. Veterans were in the age bracket of 40plus, hardly what I would call a veteran but ill go with it.
Time for a cocktail at the RACV beachside resort, to celebrate a our placing in the event. Seriously did we need an excuse? Karen and Andrea may have started celebrating already. Champers in hand. Shhh what happens in Inverloch stays in…. Inverloch
Dinner at the local Japanese Tomo saw us 8 hungry women over order & over eat. The food was divine. They catered to Shelle and Janette’s plant based dietary requirements perfectly.
8 Women arrived back to their Apartment before 8 PM.
Seriously what happened to the days of arriving home at 3 AM, staggering to bed? Reliving the events of the night before, the next morning.
By 8:30 PM we had cups of tea, chocolate, cake, and we were playing a game of Scattergories. This led to many more laughs due to our forgetfulness and inability to remember a certain word. “It’s on the tip of my tongue” “what’s that word again”?. “Why won’t my brain work anymore”?
Menopause darling, menopausal brain fog.
I used to be a highly intelligent woman.
Our final morning was not without drama. Karen and Andrea decided to head out for a bike ride around town to make plans for our last day. Mandy and Janette were heading to the gym. On arrival at the gym, a frantic phone call advised us Karen has had an accident, you need to get back.
Our dear friend Karen, the pillar of our group, larger than life, she, who laughs at everything, had come off her bike due to the wet and slippery road conditions. She was in tears with a suspected a broken ankle. Julie our resident doctor rang ahead to the closest hospital and two of the girls accompanied her, where it was confirmed she had indeed, a broken ankle, possibly and most probably requiring surgery. This beautiful positive woman was still smiling as she lay in hospital.
48 hours of fun, laugh, hot flushes, forgetful moments and friendship.
Next one in June. Now this is a serious one how do you think we will go?
Thanks girls for the laughs
To my fellow middle aged mums, do you remember this moment. Those beautiful moments of feeling your baby move. Knowing you are growing a precious life inside you. This little human is part of you, is you and is now your life. Your world. My children are now 23 and 21. They are still my world, my life, my everything’s. Who else still feels like this?
Did you feel me move
I’m playing in your tummy
I am coming very soon
I can’t wait to meet you mummy
Daddy lay your hands on me
Gently touch mummy’s tummy
I will be your most precious human
irreplaceable, no amount of money
I’m coming into your world
I’ll be here very soon
I’ll shine brighter than all the stars
More brilliant than the fullest moon
Nine months inside your body
I’ve listened to your heartbeat
dear mummy, one day soon
We are really going to meet
I picked myself a mummy
I picked myself a daddy
I found two people to comfort me,
Wipe my button nose, when it’s runny
I will be your adored little girl
No longer just a dream
You will look at me with love
Gentle words and eyes agleam
I cannot wait to see your face
I cannot wait to feel your touch
Swaddle me with your love
There will never be too much
What color will my eyes be
Blue, brown, or green
I’m going to have the prettiest eyes
That you both have ever seen
Do you promise to kiss me every night
on my perfect lips and nose,
Do you promise to play with me,
count my little fingers and toes
This little piggy,
Daddy can we play
Be by my side always
Never go away
I want to have bubble baths
I want to cuddle a teddy bear
but most of all I just want
my mum and dad to always be there
Teach me about this thing called life
I want to do everything
learn from all the strife
Teach me how to count
Teach me how to cook
Teach me the alphabet
And how to read a book
Lets pick flowers
Cuddle for hours
Teach me kindness
So my morals are the finest
Teach me to be like you two
We will run in puddles
Play in the rain
Eat ice cream
Again and again
I have so much to look forward to
I love you both so much
My best day is yet to come
When I feel your loving touch